April 2015

Wow, its been how long?!

Okay, so I've been terrible these past few months for updating this blog! Apologies for the silence; classic scenario of busy mum and HI child! Life is crazy busy at the moment, I can't keep up. So, I think it's about time to update the CHI family, or just the general readers who like to keep up with us...

Orlaith is doing okay at the moment - unwell and the HI is playing up, but she's her usual happy, charismatic self. Medication wise, we are still on Sirolimus twice a day and the daily injection. We actively worked for so long to decrease the injections, from 4 a day to 1 a day but we may have to increase back to 2 a day, but I'll go more into that later on. The Sirolimus is still working well with Orlaith's BM levels and so far it is still in therapeutic range, but the downside of the suppressed immune system is still apparent as she's suffered with illnesses and infections continuously since around November time and various things have landed her in hospital. Orlaith's had chronic ear infection consistently in the same ear and has been on antibiotics for what seems like forever, but the infection is now in the middle ear and we've changed to ear drops which seem to be working great. The past few weeks she has suffered with a strange rash all over her body and up until last week, no medication had worked but now it's seems to be a possible fungal rash and this particular cream which we are now trying is doing good and it seems to be clearing up. 

The mucus on the chest hasn't eased and you may remember the sickness post a while back - I thought it was a phase, you know the classic 'lets throw a tantrum and make ourselves sick and embarrass mum in front of everyone' routine? I stuck to my gut instinct - I still can't stress how important it is to be the voice of your children! - and after 6 long, painful months of vomiting constantly, we are on the road of solution and diagnosis. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it can be promoted if she is worked up but its gunky and full of mucus/phlegm (just want you need to read whilst eating your lunch, right?) but usually it's unexpected; we could be walking to the park, she could sneeze, be eating, even roll over in her sleep... she is always throwing up gunk by the bucket load and of course, it causes the havoc and starts the vicious circle when it comes to blood sugar levels. This is why it has resulted in horrific lows (recently she was as low as 1.4-1.7 mmol/L, so horrible to watch - I was genuinely scared for her but thankfully all picked up fine with no organ damage!) and a rush to the hospital on numerous occasions and why we may need to start the second injection at her vulnerable times to keep her stable at home. After chasing it up, our GP has started her stomach/reflux medications again gradually to see what works and what doesn't, whatever doesn't work then we'll stop and try another. I feel like maybe we should have kept the medications going, but this is just what happens and I'll take it as a learning curve. We start the first one today so hopefully it will go well and my washing loads can decrease with the lack of sicky clothes!  The past few days she has been in the low 2's and no higher than 5 along with a fever, a major cause for concern but she's got her visit to GOSH on Saturday 4th so hopefully we can touch base on her medication and see what can be done. It seems to be never ending! 

Onto the good stuff...

April is upon us which means it will very soon be Orlaith's SECOND birthday; I can't get my mind around it, how is it even possible! I swear I was in theatre just yesterday having her and in the blink of an eye she is going to be 2! I count myself very lucky that we are where we are, the road was meant to be so different but she's gone against it all and has come out such a strong, clever, beautiful little girl. In terms of her development, she is still on par for others her age, or the 'average' as others like to say. I decided to apply for a placement at pre-school for her and Orlaith got her place - at the same pre-school that myself, my siblings and my family went to and the lady who ran it when I was was a little girl is still in charge which is really lovely; they have been so accommodating with Orlaith and have gone the extra mile for her needs, I'm so happy that she can go to a good school and thrive in an environment that she loves.

Mila Moo, I see you! 

...And then theres Emila, who is now 7 months! Again, can you believe it?  She is doing brilliantly - she has two teeth currently cutting 4 top ones (major ouch!), crawls, sits up, pulls herself up and cruises the furniture and now she is trying to walk away... this usually ends up in her falling or cruising back, its as if she doesn't realise just how small she is! I have no doubts she'll be walking before she's 1 in August. Being 10.2lbs born, they do say the bigger baby does more sooner, Orlaith wasn't far behind in the milestones but I can't believe Mila seems to be doing something new everyday. Mills also loves her food, I've never known a baby like it - greedy guys usually wants the food as well as milk feed! She's definitely taking this 10 pounder thing to a whole new level!!

We recently had their pictures done, when Mila was 6.5 months (just like we had Orlaith's done at 6 months) and I must say, they are so frickin' cute!! Despite it being a small struggle getting them both to smile/pose, they came out great and I've started looking at frames and all the other boring decor stuff that us mums like to look at and buy so I can put them up! I'll post them within this blog so you can have a ganders, more than happy to show them off... even with Mila's open mouth smiles beautifully dominating every pose and picture! 

I couldn't love them enough, who needs anything else when you have your children around? They literally make my life. 

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Emila Coco

Orlaith Rae

Emila & Orlaith

Congenital Hyperinsulinism Awareness

www.hi-fund.org

More babies?

So much talk of babies recently - there is definitely a baby boom going on, 2013 has been full of births and pregnancies! 

It's no secret that I didn't want more babies up until recently -  I had a far from great pregnancy, labour and delivery and I certainly did not want to go through any of that again. Also with Orlaith being how she was, I definitely did not want to experience that a second time round. I would have been happy with one child.  It's no secret that I now want more babies, I've always loved babies and the older ones too, and would go as far to say I'm quite a natural with children but now I definitely would like to add to the brood. 

I think deep down it's simply because I miss being pregnant, I adored the pregnancy excuse! I definitely had my hard times whilst pregnant (what pregnant women doesn't?!) but I just loved feeling connected with my child and feeling her move around; such a surreal feeling that I wish everyone could experience at some point in their lives. I am no longer contented on having just one child, I want Orlaith to experience siblings and have that closeness of a family like I had growing up; but I am 100% contented with her, so if she is all I'll ever get then I'll die a happy lady!

Here's the hard part, although it's "a very slim" chance of having another HI baby - statistically one in four - would I willingly put myself up for that this time round, knowing exactly what could be in store? I posted an article earlier on today (living with hyperinsulinism - for those who haven't seen it), of an amazing family who have two children with hyperinsulinism; I'm actually speechless at the courage of this family, hats off to them! It really is inspiring. It's an interesting read for you HI mummies as I know it's something we all have to consider at some point in your lives. 

So who knows, maybe next year ;)

Why is more not being done?

After dealing with CHI for 25 weeks now and researching it in depth... don't get me wrong, I'm no professional but it's crazy the amount of time I've spent reading up on everything I possibly can from websites, blogs, information outlets, books, you name it! I am that annoying person that will randomly start a conversation about a condition you have never even heard of and start blasting you with facts and statistics. 

One thing I keep reading about and hearing over and over again is the mistreatment of CHI and the effects this causes; and it's a total shame that by doing ONE thing, misdiagnosing would be halved and mistreatment would not have to happen. 

Call me crazy, I believe every newborn should have a mandatory glucose test via heel prick at birth. I could not preach this any louder if I tried... and trust me, it's all I do go on about when I hear of these horror stories which are gradually coming out of the woodwork and into the press. This needs attention.

But babies have a blood spot I hear mums saying... I fully appreciate the importance of the five day blood spot, but I do not think it is enough. Do you know exactly what that tests for? The majority of people I ask have no clue. This mandatory blood spot picks up on disorders such as cystic fibrosis, sickle cell, phenylketonuria, MCADD and congential hypothyroidism which are all extremely important to detect in newborns; however, this screening does NOT test glucose levels so hypoglycemia is not detected so conditions such as congenital hyperinsulinism go undetected; therefore, it isnot treated  or it is misdiagnosed  and that is when the horrible risks start to kick in. More and more babies are being misdiagnosed, not given the right treatment and some unfortunately dying due to low blood sugar levels (hypoglycemia) - It's not just the brain which can be in danger if left untreated; the heart, blood vessels, kidneys, eyes and other organs can be damaged too. For the sake of a newborn's health, if a heel prick is all it takes then surely more parents would be willing?

I have no idea how glucose testing (BM's) are dealt with anywhere else in the world but in the UK it is not compulsory - in my opinion, it should be. The amount of lives which could be saved or made better, not necessarily of newborns, is beyond worth it.

My local hospital, obviously I can't name names, does not carry out any blood glucose measurement tests unless admitted to SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit) and this goes for many hospitals in the UK too. Tragically, many babies symptoms are not picked up and if symptoms are picked up, it is usually too late - if glucose monitoring was done at birth and monitored if needed then brain damage and even death can be avoided. 

I'm  continually reading how midwives dismiss mothers requests and concerns too - This article is about a baby who unfortunately died because his mothers concerns were not seen to by a medical professional. The mother raised concerns about her baby's feeding and abnormal crying -  she was simply brushed off as being 'anxious'. Any concerns should be followed up by a medical professional , mum knows best! From what I've read, midwives also need more training and equipping in the monitoring of blood sugar levels - what to look out for and how to treat a hypoglycaemic situation. Of course, my opinions do not go out to every midwife out there or every nurse or medical professional and yes some are trained in this but it's happening less and less often by the looks of it and something needs to be done about it. In other cases, even if patients symptoms are being picked up, some are still not receiving the right care and are not receiving the correct treatment - some doctors have not heard of this and it is misdiagnosed in numerous cases if not detected at birth. I got to know one mother at the hospital whose baby had been misdiagnosed, the drs did not know what they were dealing with - for the first ten weeks of her life, her daughter was pumped full of drugs which did not make any difference to the condition but instead made her really ill - thankfully she was transferred and put into the right care in time. 

This article is definitely an interesting read; it just proves the point that more needs to be done... brain damage should not be an option for any, otherwise healthy, newborn! I do wonder if the NHS sees this as a problem or not... Glucose is so important to the functioning of our bodies, without it or ketone bodies - what fuel does your brain operate with?  

The HI fund are constantly researching and attentively looking for lifelong answers to HI and the problems is can cause. Would you believe that NO research is being done in the UK for this condition and little to none being done anywhere else in the world... simply due to not having the funds. With the correct funds specialist staff could be employed, equipment could be brought and research carried out - this may be a rare condition but plenty of babies are being born with glucose issues, whether they be transient or persistent. 

All from one heel prick at birth, so much can be identified, especially if the baby is symptomatic, and if necessary then the right diagnosis and treatment can be given. It's so sad that this is even happening in our time. This is just so important, I can't believe how many deaths are caused by this and hardly none make it to the media or public knowledge! It won't go away unless something is done.

I can't fault the medical team that dealt with my daughter: I feel the staff listened to me, they knew I had issues with how my daughter was, especially overnight and they checked it out. This is how it should be! I can't even begin to imagine not having her here today, especially if it was just down to negligence.

Any more children I have with Andrew (as Orlaith is hyperinsulinemic on the grounds of a confirmed paternal heterozygous mutation in the ABCC8 gene) has a one in four chance of suffering from hyperinsulinism too. I already have a birth plan for my next child - the baby will be heel picked at birth, no questions asked; no risks are being run this time.

I'm proud to say I'm hyperinsulinism aware, are you? 

To Gasto or not to Gasto; that is the question.

Yesterday was Orlaith's first outpatient appointment in the endocrine clinic with Dr Hussain and his team. We were going to not only follow up Orlaith's progress since being home, but we were also going to discuss the recent short stay admission on Kingfisher at Great Ormond Street Hospital.

If I'm 100% honest, I just had this feeling that we would be hearing news - whether it be good or bad. Dealing with Orlaith on a day to day basis, solely by myself whilst her dad is at work during the weekdays; I had this instinct that it might not be what we wanted to hear.  I do all of the liasing with the HI nurses, GOSH, GP's, pharmacists, appointments, constant prescriptions.. you name it and the past few weeks haven't been Orlaith's best, I could just tell - it doesnt make it any better that there was never a day where the BM readings have been amazing since we've been home. Similarly, I was thinking that the CHI would become transient by now. I'm not too sure whether that's me thinking realistically or naively. 

Here we were, sat down like before  with the what felt like the whole world in the room.  Orlaith's not made any significant progress in her levels for the past 23 weeks, since birth; she is still producing the same figures she was back then. That explains it then, she hasnt fotten any better - we've just kept her stable. Que the sunken heart feeling...

Orlaith managed just shy of 3.5 hours on her fast (10am to 1.30am).
10am - 6.3
11am - 5.7
12noon - 4.3
1pm - 3.2 (although a BM reading should never drop below 3.5, during fasting it's 3.0)
1.30pm - 3.0
Bloods were taken at this point - this resulted in a glucose level of 2.2mmol/L, NEFA level of 0.78 mmol/L and a ß-OH-butyrate of 0.37 mmol/L - the last two are good as it shows her body is trying to react to the levels of insulin in her system, but ideally need to be higher and well the glucose level speaks for itself.

In the previous post I mentioned the gallbladder ultrasound scan... they found a "sludge" on her gallbladder, at present this is nothing serious and is caused as a side effect from the octreotide but Ursofalk (Ursodeoxycholic acid) has been prescribed to prevent any stones from forming. Orlaith's also not on par for height for her age, although I think she's rather tall (?!) but again it's a side effect from the Octreotide and nothing to worry about just yet.

The consultant's plan of action is to increase Orlaith's octreotide therapy dose up to 0.25mg from 0.20mg every six hours, if there is no improvement they were originally going to consider Sirolimus (a fairly new medication popular as a last resort in unresponsive diazoxide patients) but the chances of it taking effect are slim so on Monday I need to call and let them know how she has been on this new dose and if it doesn't make an improvement....as if all this wasn't enough to take in..we came to her feeding - now of course with everything from GORD to sleeping through the night, we struggle to get milk into Orlaith and really have to push it with her. They want to fit a Gastrostomy. 

For those who aren't familiar with what a gastrostomy is or what it does - its a opening made surgically through the abdomen into the stomach and a feeding device is fitted onto it..it will allow Orlaith to be fed directly into her stomach, having no contact with her mouth or throat.  Orlaith will more than likely have the PEG (percutaneous endoscope gastrostomy); this will be fitted via an operation under general anaesthetic and held in place by a disk in the stomach wall.

This decision from what I can gather is down to us, not only for Orlaith's welfare but our own too - as parents we can't let her suffer with insulin secretion and fits, seizures and brain damage as a constant risk; her health is paramount, nothing comes close to how much we want Orlaith healthy and safe but also as parents, we can't go on being up all hours of the day and literally functionally on 20 minutes-3 hours sleep a day, feeding her at every possible moment to keep her glucose levels up and BM's above 3.5. If she was to have a Gastrostomy fitted, and this failed a full pancreatectomy would be stage two; which is a whole new ball game of complications.

I can't describe to you in words the amount of emotion which I was carrying around with me yesterday, I knew something was about to change but I was hoping for a medicine change or something more suitable but I would never of thought a gastrostomy would come into the equation. As a parent, do I carry on taking my child's care on the chin, having poor health myself just so I can be comfortable in knowing that she hasn't had to face yet another operation and hasn't got to be bound to a machine or as parent do I give consent, knowing that her glucose levels are always up, she'll be okay overnight and also knowing I can sleep too? My heart literally breaks for this, I haven't faced this decision with her father yet, I don't want to even face it at all. I've only just got my baby home and now I need to give her up again? As selfish as it is, I don't want to give her up and I certainly don't want her having, lets face it..in laymans terms, a feeding machine. We've requested information to be sent to us, we'll go through everything before a decision is made but if it's needed, it's needed - I won't let my daughter be at risk. Of course we still have hope that Orlaith remains stable on this new dose of Octreotide; in an ideal world, this would do the trick and a gastrostomy would not need to be considered until a later date or maybe not at all, or maybe even an NG tube instead..Who knows. I guess we'll see how it goes.

♡♡♡


On a happier note, Orlaith had her first train ride from the hospital as her dad works in London so we got the Waterloo train back to Bracknell; least she loved it!

SCBU Mummies Pt. 2

Eleanor 

After waiting what felt like years, Orlaith and I were finally able to meet up with our SCBU family when we got home and it was amazing to see everyone. At first it was so surreal, seeing the Mummies and Babies in a normal environment was just awesome! I loved catching up with them all, hearing about everything that has gone on since we all last saw each other and of course, seeing those gorgeous babies! I can't believe the babies are pushing on to five to six months old now, where has the time gone? 

Frankie and Orlaith

Lucas, Thomas and Frankie

It felt like only yesterday we would spend our days at their cots, feeling like we would never get to escape. Just to know this group of mothers personally is encouraging – the love, the dedication, the support that these women have is just inspiring. Despite what they all had to go through during their time at SCBU and even now, they are still smiling! It’s heartening to see that this particular group of people, and their children have taken all what they have been through on the chin and it’s just made them even more amazing. I would not have got through those 7 weeks without them. As for the babies… Wow, just wow... I am overwhelmed with how much they have grown and become such happy souls with their own personalities. It goes without saying ladies; we produced a bunch of beauties!! There are 6 babies altogether; 3 boys, 3 girls… and yes babies listen up; I am expecting at least two of you to marry! What a wedding that would be! Roll on the next SCBU mummy and baby meet up!! ♡♥ ♡♥ 

Re-admission baby!

So today (sept 9th) we have Orlaith's re-admittance at Great Ormond Street Hospital. Every so often, Orlaith will be re-admitted for monitoring, fasting, profile building and investigating...to be honest, it could not of come at a better time, as she's been up and down lately with no real explanation as to why. This stay is intended to be short stay, hopefully it stays that way! 

We are on Kingfisher ward and as Orlaith is still a high alert patient, she has her own room...with an en-suite so I'm a very happy mummy, no communal showering for us! Haha! 

Today will be spent building a BM profile, so these will be done 2 hourly to see how she is coping with glucose levels and also to get an idea of where we're at in terms of her octreotide therapy and feeds. I'm feeling pretty good about it this time round; hopefully we'll get some solutions and questions answered! Orlaith also has a gallbladder scan today to see how that's getting on too. She's gonna be a busy lady! Its so strange being back though, its almost like this is home and we've been on holiday for 7 weeks at our house!! ♡

51 Days

We brought Orlaith home 51 days ago... 1 month 20 days... 7 weeks... 1224 hours and it's gone crazy fast, I can't believe I haven't posted in 7 weeks!!

I love being home and I adore having Orlaith home. Don't get me wrong, she definitely has the devil in her some days and is a diva every day of the week but as a baby, Orlaith is doing amazingly! I swear she is getting more and more mobile every day.. constantly shuffling everywhere (crawling soon, I hope!), has her hands and mouth all over everything, trying to sit up by herself, enjoys food (pureed, of course), sleeps through the night... I could literally list a million and one things as to how she has changed, it's unbelievable! Like where has my baby gone?!! 

Of course she still has CHI, and it is an on going battle to monitor it at home. We are constantly exhausted, her medical schedule is insane... for the last few weeks, we have experienced hypoglycaemic fits regularly... struggled as parents trying to grasp the disease... and of course it wouldn't be sods law if after 4 days of being home we weren't blessed with teething... but in all seriousness, throw whatever you like at us 'cos we're still over the moon to have our beaut home!

One compliment I get a lot (besides the amount of hair she has haha!) is how happy and smiley she is - she is constantly smiling and chatting away and always in a happy mood; it's strange because you would never believe anything was actually wrong with her sometimes, or has gone through anything like she has. I love waking up and seeing her face in her own cot, not on a ward being prodded every hour or setting off her own monitors... the experience of having a baby home is still new to me but I'm loving it. We are in the 7th week of being home, for most babies this would be at the age of 7 weeks so still a fairly small teeny tiny newborn (I have 100% forgotten what that is like, Orlaith is 14lbs worth of mini human now!), I'm still getting used to so much. I'm not going to lie, I do sometimes feel cheated. Like any other pregnant first time mum; I spent a fortune on clothes and getting everything the baby would need, getting her nursery all ready and making sure it was just right, picking the perfect pram, nesting to a worrying point of scrubbing skirting boards and banisters at 3am and re decorating the whole house so everything was right... I would never in a million years of thought that I would be in hospital for 15 weeks with my child suffering from a condition I had never even heard of! Just the other day I put O in her pram carry cot and she's the exact same length as it... what happened to my baby? Of course like any other 20 week old, she loves to kick and flap so the pram is definitely no good... time to dig out the stroller attachment for sure! Waah!

So we've been up to so much since being home.. for the first few weeks it was constant appointments; I obviously haven't posted in 7 weeks so here is a brief update for you;-

We go back to GOSH for re-admission on the 9th Sept, this is a monitoring and investigating period where the hyperinsulinism and hypoglycaemia are managed by her consultants and this is when and where any changes will take place, it is also a their chance to see how Orlaith is getting on, run tests they need to and all that kinda stuff; Orlaith's GORD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) is under better control now and is throwing up rarely, keeping her feeds down now and is generally more happy at feed times now... feeds are still hit and miss, she has only just grasped the concept of food and getting the feeling of hunger but it's great that she's come this far and learnt to feed in such a short amount of time; Orlaith still has a large atrial septal defect in her heart (possibly from her hickman line), a scan last week showed a hole which is 7mm wide but there is an island which has grown in the middle of it so effectively there are 2 holes along with the atrial septal defect, there isn't any pressure on the chambers so this will just be monitored and operated on a the age of 4/5 if necessary with 2 more heart scans to follow in October; we finally got to attend O's audiology appointments and after what felt like years they finally confirmed that she is not deaf in her right ear (despite what drs etc have said!) and that fluid is build up in the eustachian tube in the middle ear and will go over time; blood counts are currently normal so no more transfusions just yet... and breathe! So much to keep on top of, but overall this little lady is doing beautifully.  

Orlaith's still has subcutaneous (injection) Octreotide therapy every 6 hours, as a long term treatment for CHI. Octreotide is not currently licensed in children with CHI, but is used if the child is unresponsive to diazoxide (check my previous posts for more on this)... She's doing really well with them, at first I thought I wouldn't be comfortable giving my baby injections but we aren't phased by it, O takes it like a trooper with a tiny whimper then it's back to smiles or sleep depending on what time of day or night it is! BM management is still every 3rd and 4th hour of the day - this is 24 hours a day like everything else, they have been up and down recently and it cant be extremely hard especially when Orlaith is asymptomatic (does not show symptoms) in a hypoglycaemic episode but we have learnt to manage it and keep on top of the monitoring. I've heard this from a couple of parents, with children also on Octreotide therapy and I have to agree...one thing I can't stand is pity... the amount of times I hear things about Orlaith's medication is beyond irritating, at the end of the day Orlaith's health is paramount to me and any other parent would do whatever is required of them to keep there baby alive and healthy and NO I don't feel bad for doing it. 

 Of course this takes its toll; I can't remember the last time I slept more than two hours at a time and I'm constantly functioning like a zombie but you just make it work, I think it's more tough as Orlaith has slept through the night since she was 8 weeks old - she doesn't even wake for feeds - which for a normal baby is amazing but cares and meds go on throughout the night so lucky for her, but unlucky for us... she also has to be fed every 3-4 hours without fail otherwise she will slip into a hypo fit, so again it's hard because she is asleep so thank God for dream feeding! We sleep when it can (we  get 5 hours spaced throughout the day which are "free", so nothing meds wise needs doing, so we sleep in this time) but I do find that people don't understand and are sometimes not happy if we are unable to make plans etc but it's just how it is, gotta do what you gotta do! I speak to a lot of parents those children, especially newborns with the congenital disease, experience  this and find it difficult - give yourselves a break! Learn to be firm and say no...at the end of the day, your child's health is more important than anything in the world so if you want to sleep or do nothing when you can, forget these people and do it! I'm not afraid to admit it but I also became a recluse when we brought Orlaith home, as well as Orlaith being sick I had my own post-birth issues... I just didn't feel comfortable in public - especially having to do meds etc outside of the house; but I'm gradually getting there and lets just say I'm not comfortable in every social occasion anymore but my advice is that the feeling of anxiety will eventually go, we just need to get on with it at present - you've just had a baby/or just found out your child has this, so cut yourselves some slack...it's not something that will digest quickly, time is definitely the winning factor here.

I really hope the other parents are now home, if not have their coming home date..in which case I hope it's SOON. I've been asked a few times if I'm on Insta or Twitter - I'm the most easiest person to find - @LimaraBanks for both - beware I am the biggest mamarazzi ever and will probably bore you to death with pictures of Orlaith. Totally sorry not sorry ;) xxxx

SCBU Mummies.

In just goes to show that no matter what shitty situation you go through, there are always people in the same boat as you. Having the attitude of "MY child is sick" instead of "OUR children are sick" won't get you anywhere in a situation or environment like this. 

My first encounter with SCBU was strange; my baby was taken there and I was told I could visit her in a few hours time, I was hoping to go home that day so to have her not by my side was weird and we just didn't know what to do with ourselves. Me & the boy walked over (me in my pj's sporting the 'I've just had a baby' look, barely able to walk with drop foot and looking as rough as ever) to the baby unit; not having a clue what to do we pressed the buzzer and said we were the parents of Baby Banks. 

I literally had no clue but as we walked into the high dependency room, we saw our little cupcake all wired up and all I wanted to do was cry - I wouldn't want anyone seeing their newborn like that. We sat with Orlaith, we talked to her and just kept holding her. As I looked around, all couples were in the same situation but no one seemed to talk. 

Of course we visited everyday and sat with her all day and into early hours of the morning most nights; nurses were lovely and always supportive, but I rarely spoke to anyone except a smile here and there if you bumped into them in the corridor. It wasn't because everyone was rude, it was because we had all been thrown in this awkward situation and "how are you?" is such a stupid question in that environment. Some parents got on really well but before you had a chance to get to know them, they would get their going home date and they'd be gone. 

Orlaith made a few trips back and forth between the nursery and high dependency room; during this time, we got to know certain faces. Gradually as time went on, there were certain people you'd see every day and we would all just start chatting - finally, people that knew what you were going through and how tough it was but regular conversations brought a bit of normality into our situations. Over time, it become a set group of us and I actually began to enjoy spending my time there. 

The majority of the babies in SBCU at he time I was there were premature babies. Orlaith was only 8lbs but looked like a toddler compared to the other babies around her. We would always laugh and joke, they totally understood my humour (thank God...) and conversation would just flow. It's reassuring knowing you'll be spending your days in this unit but surrounded my mums who were going through the same thing and it was even more at ease because we got on so well and could joke about things. 

One by one they began to go home, of course I was a little bit envious but as I had gotten to know these mums and dads to a personal level; I was simply overjoyed for them - it was amazing news! We would also celebrate each others successes and support and comfort one another through the down times. 

I'm still in contact with all the mummies from the unit, I love hearing how they are getting on and what's new with them and their babies. I really hope Orlaith will grow up keeping in touch with her little friends from SCBU, I think it's an amazing foundation for a friendship. I would definitely of gone insane and started pulling my hair out if it weren't of these babes, really makes you treasure friendship more. 

SCBU feels like a lifetime ago, but I can't wait to go and see all the nurses when we're home and of course meet up with all the mums and babies - Orlaith's definitely missing her favourites!